What’s better then a band that wears mustaches?

A band that SINGS about mustaches.

I know I’ve written about the hidden references to the glory of mustaches that may be found in other music, but only Man Man is brave enough to come right out and address the issue that growing and sporting a mustache is no walk in the park.

In their song, “10 lb. Moustache,” the band alludes to the weight of the responsibility that comes with having a mustache, because, as we all know, with great mustache comes great responsibility. It may also be taken as a reference to the pressure put on the mustachioed by modern society, as many think “we’re not made for these times.”

Check out their music video, “Rabbit Habbits.”

In case you’re ever out in the field and need to identify all the different “typestaches” you may encounter, here is a handy Field Guide to Typestaches. Artist Tor Weeks created this poster which is essentially a collection the ever-so-fun curly brace character, in an assortment of different fonts, orientated to look like a mustache. Mine is most similar to Mr. Copperplate.

Via Laughing Squid > Kottke

There were some fine specimens of mustache amongst the bartenders and staff at San Francisco’s Savoy Tivoli. This is just one example from this weekend’s All Shook Down festival. Mustaches should be a requirement for bartenders.

What is a man?  A man is a wifebeater underneath a plaid shirt, with salt and pepper chest hair poking out.  A man is a grimacing, somewhat scary look, posed to appear as if he is above you (in my easily intimidated mind at least).  A man is one helluva a mustache.  And in this case, man is someone who is a vision of all three of the aforementioned qualities, Sam Gregory.

This picture reminds me of watching “Unsolved Mysteries” growing up and having dangerous suspects portrayed by guys who look a lot like Sam.

We salute you on this Sunday, Mr. Gregory.  And I do say Mr. out of respect.  And fear.

Feeling down? Don’t see the purpose in life? Can’t seem to get anywhere in the dating game? Cry yourself to sleep every night?

You need a mustache.

And guess what?! With the wonderful Manly Mustache Mirror Clings from Urban Outfitters, you can skip the months of waiting for it to grow, as well as the disappointment that it’s not full enough! Now every time you look in the mirror when you wake up you’ll be ready to plow through the day with a smile at face, knowing you’ll get back to that mirror.

And that handsome mustached felow you see? Who plans to sleep in your bed tonight? Yes, that is you.

Best facial hair ever? The Mustache.

Best band ever? The Beatles.

While most people claim the Beatles wrote songs that were loosely disguised references to drug-enduced euphoria, the dirty little secret is of a truly different sort. Many of their legendary songs may be directly traced to a whole other euphoric category.

Mustaches.

We all live in a yellow submarine? Many men in the navy, the very men who pilot submarines, wear mustaches to keep their lips warm on the open seas.

What animal has facial hair just like the people showcased on this blog? Well, let’s just say I am the Walrus.

And what must one do when too many women are pulled in by the auspicious aura of his mustache? Well, give each a Ticket to Ride, of course!

I do. I really do. Here’s a nice little mustache graphic for you on Friday. Put it on your MySpace page or wherever. Print it and mail it to your mother.

Today we ask ourselves the age old question: Does the mustache make the man?

Well, I can’t answer that, but in the case of Freddie Mercury, it certainly makes his music fantastic.

Some have even theorized that Queen’s song, “It’s a Kind of Magic” is actually about how his life was improved by his flaunting of a glorious lip ornament.

“It’s a kind of magic
One shaft of light that shows the way
No mortal man can win this day”

Logically, the above lyrics can only be attributed to his ecstatic response to realizing he had finally grown a mustache, and one of the best in the Milky Way at that. He elegantly, and accurately, compared the wearing of the mustache with magic, explaining that it’s pure attractiveness led him through life like a “shaft of light,” eventually elevating him like a god as, with the mustache, he was “no mortal man.”

It may be safely assumed that while Mercury has left us, his words will live on through the glory of mustaches worldwide.

Get a paper cut? Fall and scrape your knee? Freak bird attack? What better solution than a mustache?

We all know that the joy mustaches bring to life has a healing power of it’s own, but now, thanks to Urban Outfitters, mustaches literally nurture your very wounds back to health. With each bandage topped with the striking image of a magical lip mitten, not only will you meet with a speedy recovery, but you will do so in the height of fashion.

Just days after we celebrated Frida’s birthday, reader (and new love of my life) Jenny Anne submitted a picture full of awewsome cranial accessories.  Perched atop her dome is a kickass fedora, on her nose sit stylish spectacles, and on her upper lip the clincher: a perfectly symmetrical, definitely real*, handlebar. 

In the picture, she is taking a break from Stachist to read the New York Times.  Which is a little more consistent in its output of content.

* I may have slightly exaggerated authenticity of Jenny Anne’s stache.