On the cover of the most recent Time magazine, the magazine promises to detail why “Main Street Hates Wall Street.”  This title is underneath a depiction of a Bernie Madoff-looking fellow whose face has been completely vandalized with beady black eyes, a Cheshire Cat-like grin with a mouth full of evil looking teeth and…. a BRILLIANT HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE.

I didn’t read the article because it was probably about depressing crap like the economy and not awesome things like mustaches.  But the cover caught my eye for obvious reasons.  By the way, Main Street hates Wall Street because Wall Street probably hasn’t had a legit stache since the 70′s.  And without a doubt, the Street has never seen an ironic stache either.

My friend spotted this mustache on Halloween and wrote me:

found this stache on the street, too good to not throw a gnome hat on, what do you think of him stachey? could he make your website?

The answer is yes. Yes, of course. If I saw that mustache, I’da thrown a gnome hat on him too. (She was a Gnome for Halloween.)

Remember when Monopoly was a board game? Nowadays it’s a game you play at McDonald’s, or in the case of Minnesota, the state lottery. At least you win actual money.

They’re utilizing Mr. Monopoly’s iconic, white mustache to promote the scratchers.

In a TV commercial spot, “[t]he white handlebar mustache usually seen on Mr. Monopoly finds its way onto game players growing their moneystaches.” In this case it’s a young blond woman growing a huge white stache.

They also have the mustache stuck onto mirrors in bars and restaurants.

[Via MediaPost]

I found a box of old Playboys at a garage sale this weekend and looking through them I found these retro magazine ads from the 70s selling Pinaud brand mustache wax by mail. I’ve actually used this wax before, it’s one of the more popular mustache waxes known better as Club Man. Each tube of wax comes with a little brush/comb.

Now that you’ve grown a moustache… make it the greatest!

A must for styling, grooming and controlling moustaches, sideburns and beards.

Location: West 4th Street and 6th Avenue, Manhattan, after the Halloween parade

What’s your name, Mr. Monocle?
Oliver

I have to say, that is one fantastic ‘stache. Is it part of your costume?
Nope, but it is part of me.

What part of the world gives us such a glorious ‘stache?
Western Ireland

And what do you do here, besides get random guys to ask to take your picture for their website?
I’m an artist.  A painter- oil on canvas.

It’s the most powerful accessory, and many men in history have used it to their advantage.  What is it, you ask?  A red power tie? No.  A Rolex?  Hardly.  The finishing touch is a well groomed, robust mustache.

Unfortunately, at some point during recent history, by way of cop mockumentaries, it’s rise as a pornstar necessity in the 7os, and the current hipster quest to turn it into an ironic swatch of hair, we have forgotten that the ‘stache is, first and foremost, a dominating entity.

For better or worse, mustaches can be used as a finishing touch for men from mass murderers to sex symbols to peace keepers.  The 7 Wonders of the World, in mustache form:

1. “The Peace ‘Stache”- Ghandi

While the ‘stache isn’t particularly impressive, the man more than makes up for it.  Ghandi was the ultimate badass by simply not being a badass.  He was the king of killin’ it… non-violently of course.
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CBS Sunday Morning reporter (and nominee for the 2009 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Award) did a segment on Stache Bash and the American Mustache Institute.

With the festivities of Halloween over, that means today is Movember 1st. Day One of Movember. Commence your upper lip facial hair growing now.