A befuddled Craigslist poster in Chicago was looking for some help with growing his mustache and beard. In particular he wanted a beard mentor to help him. He bemoaned:

I’ve had a moustache and beard off and on over the years, and I’ve tried styling it in the past but I just can’t seem to get it to the next level. I’m looking for some srs protips with this, as well as possibly some styling services by someone with skilled hands.

I can sympathize with the poster. It’s easy to get dismayed when exploring the potential of your facial hair. The number of different styles is intimidating and you need to find the one that matches your bone structure, hair color and hair texture. Getting over the pubescent teenager patches that some grow when they start growing mustaches also takes a leap of faith.

I hope Craigslist poster #1628697112 found the mentor he was looking for, especially since this made Best of Craigslist.

Recognize these beautiful gentlemen? Well, with this Mustache Music Monday, I’ve decided to take it back to the 1970′s, the golden age of the stache, and present you with the band Boston.

I must say, it is a rare luxury to find a band with a majority mustachioed membership, especially with a larger band such as this. So, you don’t have to “Tell Me” about the “Higher Power” that’s “More Than A Feeling” which leaves you with “Peace Of Mind”. I mean, with “Smokin’” mustaches like that, it’s not hard to end up “Feelin’ Satisfied” to the point you “Don’t Look Back”, because everyone else is just gawking at you thinking “that’s “A Man I’ll Never Be”".

But seriously- why can’t the face of music still be that beautiful?

So far, through Mustache Music Monday, I have brought you mustaches from across the genres. From rock stars’ stache-based sex appeal, to techno superstars who hide the furry beauty for the greater good, and even a man who sings about the wonder that is mustachioed romance in Hindi, all have adapted mustaches to further their musical talent. But in that, one very important genre is left neglected. The genre that did not use moustaches to improve itself. Nay, mustaches simply improved my evolving this genre strait from mustache culture of yore. In this genre, the lip mitten is not an improvement, it is merely a prerequisite.

What do I speak of, you ask?

Folk, I respond.

And at the top of the folk food chain? The Avett Brothers.

They come from a genre in which mustaches are not only facial hair or a way of life, but a very driving force in nature. When you drive through Appalachia, and the three things you see are mustaches, banjos, and mountains, is it a mere coincidence? NAY! What force other than the combined strength of mustaches and an old-time string band could ever raise mountains such as those in such majestic ways? Certainly not clean-shaven boys playing drum machines.

And did I not provide a connection strong enough to the specific band at hand? One only needs to look at their numerous song titles beginning with “Pretty Girl From [...]” (8 to be exact- and another 2 with just “Pretty Girl”) to know that with staches like that, they aren’t spending any post-show nights alone. (And if that doesn’t sell you, they have another 9 songs with “Love” in the title).

I received this message yesterday from a friend:

Dear Joe’s amazing mustache,

When I grow out my facial hair, my beard is black, yet my mustache grows in a different color. The middle is brown, yet the ends are blonde. What should I do?

Signed Concerned Grower

Dear Concerned Grower,

Mustache wax is the answer. I use such a substance, and while it is not dying your hair, which I would advise against, it does come in colors, such as brown to match your hair atop your head.

Though my ultimate advice would be to embrace your unique mustache. Mine is red, unlike my brown hair, yet I exalt it as true beauty

-LohJoeman

Remember this post? Well we do, and if YOU don’t, it’s that one about getting 100 facebook “likes” for the Stachist page.

And guess what? WE HIT 200! This of course means we have achieved instant fame, and are rising to unforetold success. Today it’s a facebook page. Tomorrow we’re on Oprah, jumping on couches. Who cares that 33% of those fans are still friends of the writers? Or that the Twitter account is stuck at 32 followers? We’re kicking stache and taking names.

What’s better then a band that wears mustaches?

A band that SINGS about mustaches.

I know I’ve written about the hidden references to the glory of mustaches that may be found in other music, but only Man Man is brave enough to come right out and address the issue that growing and sporting a mustache is no walk in the park.

In their song, “10 lb. Moustache,” the band alludes to the weight of the responsibility that comes with having a mustache, because, as we all know, with great mustache comes great responsibility. It may also be taken as a reference to the pressure put on the mustachioed by modern society, as many think “we’re not made for these times.”

Check out their music video, “Rabbit Habbits.”

Feeling down? Don’t see the purpose in life? Can’t seem to get anywhere in the dating game? Cry yourself to sleep every night?

You need a mustache.

And guess what?! With the wonderful Manly Mustache Mirror Clings from Urban Outfitters, you can skip the months of waiting for it to grow, as well as the disappointment that it’s not full enough! Now every time you look in the mirror when you wake up you’ll be ready to plow through the day with a smile at face, knowing you’ll get back to that mirror.

And that handsome mustached felow you see? Who plans to sleep in your bed tonight? Yes, that is you.

In July 2009, Akaash Iqbal, a 14 year old brit, was forced out of school for flying the flag of manliness atop his upper lip. His father is correctly outraged, but for the wrong reasons. He wishes the mustache to stay, but only to prevent shaving from bringing it in fuller. THIS is the silent danger to mustaches that hides behind discrimination- the father protects son, but not mustache! Of what worth is a son if he is allowed to enter manhood without knowing the true dignity that is being a mustachioed Island glowing out radiantly among the sea of barren faces that is today’s society?

We here at Stachist love our readers.  Especially those with staches themselves, and especially more so those who send in pictures of said staches.

Jean-Marc Tomei is no exception- with a French name that rolls off your tongue like a light rain runs off his well-groomed handlebar, Jean-Marc has the name, he has the flair, he has the stache, he has our respect. Aand most important of all, he has your attention.

You want your picture here?  Get growing.  And learn how to use email.

There’s nothing quite like tight gold pants and a black leather shirt to make a mustache look like the ultimate sketchy accessory on top of an already sketchy-to-the-max persona.  The picture to the left, posted on the utterly hilarious and, quite frankly, sad (in terms of how lame some people are) blog failbooking, is about as comfortable as using a cheese grater on your johnson.

Wearing a mustache is unfortunately a right, not a privilege, and sometimes it can be used for purposes other than the greater good.  In this instance, it is used to help compound my nightmares of “Uncle Creepy”.  For any fans out there of the WWF in the 1990s, Uncle Creepy is Gold Dust – athleticism – fake plot + mustache = likely sexual deviant (“NSFW” photo album- though confusing and uncomfortable, likely safe for your work here: Uncle Creepy’s Creepiest Hits).