We here at Stachist love our readers.  Especially those with staches themselves, and especially more so those who send in pictures of said staches.

Jean-Marc Tomei is no exception- with a French name that rolls off your tongue like a light rain runs off his well-groomed handlebar, Jean-Marc has the name, he has the flair, he has the stache, he has our respect. Aand most important of all, he has your attention.

You want your picture here?  Get growing.  And learn how to use email.

There’s nothing quite like tight gold pants and a black leather shirt to make a mustache look like the ultimate sketchy accessory on top of an already sketchy-to-the-max persona.  The picture to the left, posted on the utterly hilarious and, quite frankly, sad (in terms of how lame some people are) blog failbooking, is about as comfortable as using a cheese grater on your johnson.

Wearing a mustache is unfortunately a right, not a privilege, and sometimes it can be used for purposes other than the greater good.  In this instance, it is used to help compound my nightmares of “Uncle Creepy”.  For any fans out there of the WWF in the 1990s, Uncle Creepy is Gold Dust – athleticism – fake plot + mustache = likely sexual deviant (“NSFW” photo album- though confusing and uncomfortable, likely safe for your work here: Uncle Creepy’s Creepiest Hits).

If you need to be told how to grow a mustache, then I’m not too sure you should be growing one in the first place. That said, the Internet is a great resource for all the self-improvement “dummies” out there. You can learn just about anything, however simple, like how to boil an egg.

Search Google for “How to _________” and you will almost always be returned pages from eHow or wikiHow.

Mustaches are apparently difficult enough for some that they warrant several how-to guides. But fret not, the difficulty of such feats have been deemed by their authors as “moderately easy.” Handlebar mustaches, understandably, may require some guidance from a seasoned professional, like this dude here.

• How to Grow a Mustache
• How to Grow a Handlebar Mustache
• How to Grow an Awesome Handlebar Mustache

Be sure you know what you’re getting into. The author of that last post warns in the last step:

Sport you unique stache around town and don’t be surprised if you get several comments per day.

With the short month of February drawn to a close, that means that Mustache March is now upon us. The movement is nowhere as big as Movember and seems to be somewhat of an imitation: growing mustaches for charity. Nonetheless, I think we should have Mustache January, Mustache February, etc. So I’m all for it. I just look to a day when men don’t need to use charity to get everyone to accept their staches.

You should be clean-shaven on March 1st and you’re allowed to grow out a beard until the 15th, which is known as “shave day,” after which only mustache facial hair is allowed. The event is then celebrated with a chili cookoff.

Awards are given for Best in Show, Most Disturbing, Most Fitting, Dirtlip Award, Preexisting Condition Class Award.

Gentlemen, start your staches!

I found a good site for a Friday afternoon laugh, purely by accident. It caught me by surprise. My friend IMed me and told me to go to a cake website to choose a certain flavor. While I was on the site, I noticed a little link in the corner that said, “X-rated Cakes.” So naturally I clicked it. Hilarity ensued. There are 30+ erotic cakes from which to choose.

One of them features a mustache, so I decided to post it here.

• this cake (NSFW)
• all the cakes (NSFW)

(And my friend wasn’t getting an erotic cake, she was getting a regular cake, which this place also happens to make. Not that there’s anything wrong with erotic cakes…)

What’s it like having a mustache? Like lighting a torch? Catching a Frisbee? The color blue? Definitely not a Viking that rides on the wings of a tempest.

This hilarious video is a promotion for the Buenos Aires Independent Film Festival.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you with the mustachioed Tom LaBrie of LaBrie’s Sleep Center. He hails from my hometown, Sacramento, not too far from where I grew up. It’s too bad I’m too young to remember these amazing TV commercials where he sells waterbeds. Perhaps they aired after my bedtime.

Maybe you’re going through a divorce or just happen to like the free life, if you’re thinking about a waterbed, come see us. We have a bed for all budgets.

I don’t think you can find an example of anything more 70′s: The sexual overtones, the mustache. The long hair despite a receding hairline. The purple polyester shirt with tapered collar. And then there’s the room: the waterbed. The wood paneling. The (fake?) plants.

Apparently the place is still around and has a website (LaBries.com) that’s about outdated as these commercials.

More videos at Urlesque.

In the comments one reader wrote:

Tom sponsored midnight movies called ‘Night Comfort Theater’ on channel 40. He was a coked up hustler from Massachusetts that was as lairy as they come. His website is still up but the store is gone.

I thought the accent was a little strange. They don’t talk like that in Sactown, that’s for sure.

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