In every relationship someone has to wear the pants. And in this musical pairing, Mr. John Oates wears them. On his upper lip.

Why is his name Oates, you ask? Is it a reference of amber waves of grain? Perhaps just a fantastic reference to the waves of man upon his face, I say.

And the “rich girl” they sing about? Any girl lucky enough to have a mustache at her side.

I received this message yesterday from a friend:

Dear Joe’s amazing mustache,

When I grow out my facial hair, my beard is black, yet my mustache grows in a different color. The middle is brown, yet the ends are blonde. What should I do?

Signed Concerned Grower

Dear Concerned Grower,

Mustache wax is the answer. I use such a substance, and while it is not dying your hair, which I would advise against, it does come in colors, such as brown to match your hair atop your head.

Though my ultimate advice would be to embrace your unique mustache. Mine is red, unlike my brown hair, yet I exalt it as true beauty

-LohJoeman

That and Are We Human? Or Are We Dancer? are the two most impossible question sequences in the history of civilation*

* Song lyric credit to The Killers.  Killer stache credit to Ed.

Kaan, pictured to the left with the sweet almost handlebar stache, has everything you could possibly want in a Stachist.  First and foremost, he has a mustache.  That is necessary.  But there is more.  His email handle is simply 12Dangerous, which, we have to assume is 12 times more dangerous than the fool whose email is just Dangerous.

Our challenge to Kaan is to extend the handlebar to a length that he can miraculously have the tips reach through his hoop earrings.  If he sends back a picture of that, we will have no problem crowning him “Stache of the Year.”

Oh, and check out his website: http://www.anadolufilm.com/.  It’s not in English, but the Stache speaks all languages.

Pencil Thin Mustache #12 & 35.

Most of the musicians I choose to showcase in “Mustache Music Monday” gained fame while wearing a mustache. But today I bring you a man who became famous without one, then grew a stache to further his stardom.

May I present, Mr. Bob Dylan.

Most pictures I know of Dylan are of him as a clean shaven younger man. Yet, what do I find on google images when I search his name in conjuncture with the word “mustache”? That’s right, a picture of the same man, gently seasoned by age, sporting a handsome salt ‘n’ pepper nose neighbor.

Now, normally, I’m not a fan of the pencil thin approach. Yet, staring into Dylan’s dreamy facial hair with “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35″ playing in the back of my head somehow forces me to reconsider. I mean seriously, what man is more worthy of being allowed to play a guitar and wear a mustache at the same time?

Remember this post? Well we do, and if YOU don’t, it’s that one about getting 100 facebook “likes” for the Stachist page.

And guess what? WE HIT 200! This of course means we have achieved instant fame, and are rising to unforetold success. Today it’s a facebook page. Tomorrow we’re on Oprah, jumping on couches. Who cares that 33% of those fans are still friends of the writers? Or that the Twitter account is stuck at 32 followers? We’re kicking stache and taking names.

That’s right, Vusa. Ukrainian for mustache. Vitaly is from Kiev and he takes photos of himself in addition to other things.

He’s got the whole shebang: blue blockers, earring, tatoos, camera-in-hand and a stache.

What’s better then a band that wears mustaches?

A band that SINGS about mustaches.

I know I’ve written about the hidden references to the glory of mustaches that may be found in other music, but only Man Man is brave enough to come right out and address the issue that growing and sporting a mustache is no walk in the park.

In their song, “10 lb. Moustache,” the band alludes to the weight of the responsibility that comes with having a mustache, because, as we all know, with great mustache comes great responsibility. It may also be taken as a reference to the pressure put on the mustachioed by modern society, as many think “we’re not made for these times.”

Check out their music video, “Rabbit Habbits.”

In case you’re ever out in the field and need to identify all the different “typestaches” you may encounter, here is a handy Field Guide to Typestaches. Artist Tor Weeks created this poster which is essentially a collection the ever-so-fun curly brace character, in an assortment of different fonts, orientated to look like a mustache. Mine is most similar to Mr. Copperplate.

Via Laughing Squid > Kottke

There were some fine specimens of mustache amongst the bartenders and staff at San Francisco’s Savoy Tivoli. This is just one example from this weekend’s All Shook Down festival. Mustaches should be a requirement for bartenders.